Getting Married
After the initial excitement of an accepted marriage proposal the next question is generally "what do we do now?
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Engagements are mainly for cultural reasons and have limited status. However, they can be used for example, in immigration law as evidence of intent to marry.
On a sadder note, if one of the partners decides to end the engagement, the agreement to marry cannot be legally enforced.
If the engagement is broken the woman can keep the engagement ring unless, when it was given, it was specifically stated that it should be returned. Any other property should also be divided in the same way as if the couple were to divorce.
If the couple cannot agree then either can apply to the court to decide providing this is done within 3 years of the break-up.
The Wedding Guide  website gives information about the etiquette of getting engaged.
Who Can Marry
According to the law, a man and a woman may marry if they are both 16 years or over and are free to marry, that is either single, widowed or divorced.
You cannot marry :-
- If you are aged 16 or 17 but do not have parental consent
- If you are both of the same sex
- If you are not free to marry
- Certain relatives
For more information regarding parental consent, you should consult an experienced advise such as the Citizens Advice Bureau
Where to get Married
A wedding can take place in :-
- A Church
- A Register Office
- A Synagogue
- Premises approved by the local authority
- At home - if the partner is housebound
- At hospital - if one of the partners unable to leave
- In prison, if one partner is a prisoner
Since April 1985, civil marriages can take place in approved premises other than Register Offices. Essex County Council website has full details of premises in Essex that are approved.
Church Wedding
To marry in church, usually either you or your partner must live in the parish; you should first arrange to see the minister who will explain the procedure and requirements.
Generally you can only get married in a church that is outside the area where you live, if you usually worship in that church or if there is not a church of your religion in your area - but again speak to the minister.
You can then arrange a date and a time for your wedding, legally a marriage has to take place between 8 am and 6 pm and not on Christmas Day or Good Friday.
You may be able to have a church wedding if you have been married before - depending on the church and the minister.
A list of some of the churches in the Basildon District is available on the Local Life website.
Banns
The Banns are a church service announcement that you intend to marry, they are called on three consecutive Sundays and generally you are expected to attend.
If you are marrying in a church outside your area, then the Banns need to be called at your local church as well as the church that is to hold your wedding.
Weddings Past & Present website has more information about the reading of the Banns.
Marriage Vows
At a church wedding the couples can chose from three different sets of marriage vows, each differing from the other with varying degrees of "bridal obedience".
- The Book of Common Prayer 1662 - Uses old English for the vows and included the promise of the bride to obey her husband.
- The Book of Common Prayer 1928 - Uses modern English with no reference to bridal obedience
- The Alternative Service 1980 - Allows the couple to choose for themselves on the matter of obedience.
Weddings Past & Present website has more information.
Rehearsal
As the big day draws closer, the nerves might start to kick in! But don't worry a few weeks before, the minister may invite the main members of the wedding party to take part in a rehearsal of the ceremony at the church.
At this rehearsal the minister will advise each member of their positions and when and where to move as the ceremony progresses. This rehearsal time should help settle any nerves you may have on the big day.
Music
The choice of music helps to create the perfect atmosphere. The music chosen should be suitable for playing on a church organ. If you would like taped music, then make sure you have agreed with the minister in advance of the wedding day. If you do decide on a organist, make sure they have at least a 20 minute repertoire to play as people are waiting for the bride to arrive.
There are usually 3 hymns sung at a church wedding, the first on the arrival of the bride at the chancel steps, one after the marriage ceremony and one after the blessing.
Your minister will probably advise on suitable hymns, and the Confetti web site will play you a selection of hymns to help you choose.
Civil Partnership
The Civil Partnership Act 2004 came into force on 5th December 2005. This enables same-sex couples to obtain legal recognition of their relationship. Couples who form a civil partnership will have a new legal status, that of 'Civil Partner'.
- Civil partners will have equal treatment in a wide range of legal matters with married couples, including
- Tax, including inheritance tax,
- Employment benefit
- Most state and occupational pensions benefits
- Income related benefits, tax credit and child support
- Duty to provide reasonable maintenance for your civil partners
- Ability to apply for parental responsibility for your civil partners child
- Inheritance of a tenancy agreement
- Recognition under intestacy rules
- Access to fatal accidents compensation
- Protection from domestic violence
- Recognition from immigration and nationality purposes.
More information is available from the General Register Office Website
Civic Wedding
In January 1995 the marriage laws were changed and it is possible to marry in any Register Office in England and Wales, irrespective of where you live.
However, if you are not a resident of the area in which you wish to get married, the legal Notice of Marriage (see below) must be completed at your local Register Office.
There are 8 Register Office in the Essex area, and the Essex County Council website can give full details of location and opening times as well as details of approved venues.
Before you can have a civil wedding, there are certain formalities that are required by law. You need to make an appointment for you both to attend the Register Office so that you can inform them of your intent to marry. This is called 'giving notice' and is a legal procedure in which you declare your freedom to get married. Giving notice requires your signature, so cannot be done by friends or relatives.
Formal notice of marriage must be given to the superintendent registrar in the registration district where you live, regardless of where the marriage is to take place.
You can give notice up to one year before your wedding day.
Full details of what "giving notice" involves are available on the Essex County Council website.
Approved Premises
Since April 1995, civil marriages can take place in other buildings, which have been approved by local authorities as suitable venues. These include stately homes, hotels and civic buildings. But marriages are not allowed to take place outdoors or in temporary or moveable structures such as marquees.
To arrange a wedding at an approved premises, you must first contact the venue to make provisional arrangements and then you must contact the Register Officer to ensure that the Registration Officer can attend. There is an additional fee for getting married at an approved premises.
The Essex County Council's website has full details of Approved Premises.
Getting Married Abroad
Why not consider something different for your wedding, maybe on a sun drenched beach in Barbados, halfway up a mountain in India or even an underwater scuba diving wedding in Florida?
You will need to keep in mind the requirements needed for such a wedding and to come back legally married, you will need to fulfil both the legal requirements of this country and the country where the ceremony is to take place.
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office gives details of what is required.
Flowers
If you are getting married in a church or are having a civil wedding, flowers are part of wedding day tradition dating back to at least Roman times, and should be seen as the finishing touch to a brides outfit. Flowers are very much a personal choice, you may want lots of flowers for the bride, bridesmaids & groom, at the church and at the reception or you may just want a small posy for the bride.
The Yell.com website gives details of some of the many florists in the Basildon District area.
Photographer
It is always nice to look back at the wedding photos - whether taken by a professional photographer or just snapped by a friend.
For a list of photographers in Basildon District click here
Transport
Whether you plan to arrive at your wedding on a tandem, in a vintage car or a horse drawn carriage, there are certain consideration such as cost distance and style, which may affect your choice. Unless you are lucky enough to live close to your church or wedding venue to be able to walk there you will need at least one vehicle to get you there. And it provides a wonderful opportunity to make a grand arrival!
Generally the bridesmaids are the first to leave for the ceremony and the bride's mother will either travel with them or follow directly behind. The Bride and her father will follow, arriving a few minutes before the ceremony is due to start.
For something different, why not consider an open top London Bus, a black cab, a Harley Davidson motorbike, a fire engine or a shocking pink Cadillac - the list is endless, all that is required is your imagination!
WeddingService4u website offers details of "Train" and "Helicopter" hire for weddings.
For a list of traditional or vintage wedding car hire companies in the Basildon District click here.
Marriage Certificates
To obtain further copies of Marriage Certificate, for any marriage in the Basildon District contact Essex Country Council
You will need to provide the following information
- The type of certificate you are seeking eg. Marriage Certificate
- The names the certificate applies to
- The date of the event
- The place of the event
- Any other relevant information that may help locate the certificate
Wedding Reception
Regardless of whether you have a church or a civil ceremony, once the ceremony is over, the reception is traditionally the time for family and friends to catch up with people they may have not seen for years, and of course - pass on their best wishes and congratulations to the bride and groom.
It doesn't matter if you have a small reception for 5 or extra large reception for 5,000 - it is a time to celebrate!!
There are a number of options to consider when deciding where to hold the reception, but you should choose somewhere that is reasonably close to the church or registry office and a suitable size for the number of invited guests.
You could hold the reception in.......
Speeches
At a formal traditional wedding reception there are three speeches
| Brides Father | Who should propose a toast to the bride and groom and talk about his daughter
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| Bridegroom | Who should respond to the toast and thank everyone involved in the wedding and present bouquets/gifts
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| Best Man | Who should read out telegrams and talk about the groom. His speech is usually the most entertaining but should take care not to offend anyone! |
Whilst no further speeches are needed, it is not unusual for the bridegroom's father to give a short speech of thanks.
If you find the task to writing a speech a bit daunting, there are many website that will write your speech for you (at a cost!!) or have pre-written "off the peg" speeches that you can use or customise.
The Hitched website has some good suggestions.
and finally........ Enjoy your day, and congratulations!
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